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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695842">If you could still see my tears fall, would you gather them to plant a garden?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticMajor/pseuds/ChaoticMajor'>ChaoticMajor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>CMajor's angst, fluff, and other stuff [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other, not for long :), sleepy bois inc + tubbo is a family, tommy and tubbo are twins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:09:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,054</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticMajor/pseuds/ChaoticMajor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Angst</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexis | Quackity &amp; Toby Smith | Tubbo, Alexis | Quackity &amp; TommyInnit, Dave | Technoblade &amp; Wilbur Soot &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson, Grayson | Purpled &amp; Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit, Jack Manifold &amp; TommyInnit, Niki | Nihachu &amp; Wilbur Soot, Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson, Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>CMajor's angst, fluff, and other stuff [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025490</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>141</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If you could still see my tears fall, would you gather them to plant a garden?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i thought i'd hop on the post war angst train, so here you go!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a nice day, Phil had thought. The sun danced over the leaves and petals of the plants surrounding the lake in which was so clear it outmatched a mirror. The lake was in the valley of a mountain, tall dark oaks lined the entire thing up and down like rows of graves in a cemetery. The wind whistled as it briskly blew past every so often. Phil sat on a bench overlooking the lake at the near top of one of the mountains. Tommy would’ve liked this view, he thought sadly. He smiled at the thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had been a nice day, the day L’manburg was reclaimed. Then everything happened at once. Wilbur blew everything up, and Techno started to play god. Tommy had gotten separated from Tubbo amidst the dust, dirt and sand flying everywhere, clouding the sky to a dark beige; like a fog rising from the ground up. You could hear Dream and Techno laughing manically in the distance. If you listened closer, you could hear Wilbur laughing too. There was a small chant from the two. The mortals who thought it to be funny should they play god. Trying to twist the hands of fate, light fires under others feet to watch them dance; think there would be no consequence for their actions, for they believed they were above consequence. They weren’t. Techno was waiting for Tommy to reappear. He shot some fireworks in Tubbo’s general direction. While waiting, he congratulated his older brother for following through. He didn’t think Wil had it in him. He guessed he was wrong. He spotted his dad flying above their heads, seeming to look for something or someone. The instinctual fear of being told off didn’t rise in Techno. As good as his dad was, Phil had no power here. It made Techno smile. A familiar cry of pure pain and anguish could be heard. His smile faltered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wilbur almost hadn’t pressed the button when his dad showed up. His brain was fighting over what to do. Run into his dad’s warm, loving arms and breakdown in apologies; or push the goddamn button once and for all. He made his choice. He glanced at his father in the doorway. They made eye contact. Phil had opened his mouth to say something. He didn’t get the chance. Wilbur saw his dad’s mouth start to open and slammed the button as hard as he could. It only took a second before he could hear the telltale sounds of TNT about to explode. He raised his had to his forehead and faced his father while the wall and everything behind it exploded. He heard Dream and Techno laughing and joined in as he gave one last glance at his crestfallen dad when he jumped out on the rubble below to join his brother. They stood there, laughing in insanity and for the complete anarchy and chaos that had erupted. He saw his dad fly overhead. He couldn’t care less. He heard Techno shoot off fireworks in Tubbo’s general direction. Wilbur smiled. Chekov’s gun. He always thought he head a bit of a trigger finger. All they had to do was wait for Tommy to show up so Techno could give his speech and then the withers would be brought into play. He heard a familiar voice cry out in loud, broken sobs. He turned to face the hill behind him from where the cries came from, as did his brother and Dream. His smile fell to the floor. <em>It wasn’t supposed to go this way.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tubbo was happy on the bright and beautiful day they took back L’manburg. Tubbo had become president and for a moment, Tubbo thought to consider the irony in this. He didn’t. he just smiled and gave an improv speech about how he and his VP, Tommy, were going to make L’manburg better with everyone’s ideas. Then L’manburg exploded. It was an impressive explosion he had to say. But Tubbo didn’t understand. Why would Wilbur push the button? They got L’manburg back. Was it Wilbur or someone else who pushed the button? Then the fireworks started. Tubbo had been trying to get to Tommy, but the smoke and clouds of dirt, dust and sand made it harder to see. Tubbo went half blind, the day of the festival. He had the burn scars up half his face and body to prove it. He also couldn’t stand the sound of fireworks without having a panic attack. Tommy was always there to comfort him when he did breakdown. That’s why he needed to find him. They were two halves of the same whole. Ying and yang was the duo’s secret nickname. A balance. Tubbo ran through the rubble and dust, desperately trying to get to Tommy, wherever he was. He shouted his twin’s name till his lungs couldn’t take anymore dust in them. He saw Phil land in front of him. A small beacon of hope lit in his heart. If his dad was here, Tommy had to be safe. How Tubbo wanted to leap into his dad and ask him to wake him up. But he stayed strong, fearing that if he did, he might get Phil hurt. When all the smoke and dust cleared, Tommy, Phil and him were going to have a nice hug and maybe a group therapy session. But that could be later. This was now.</p>
<p>“Tubbo? Where’s Tommy? Wilbur blew everything up, I’m sorry. I tried to stop him but-”</p>
<p>“It’s ok dad.” Tubbo tried to sound reassuring. He just sounded tired. “I’m trying to find tommy right now. Could you try and get a better view now that the dirt and smoke is clearing?” He asked, voice wobbly. Phil nodded and took off. Tubbo kept searching through the piles of debris and pieces of buildings around him. He couldn’t find any sign of Tommy. The clouds of dirt had mostly cleared now, along with the smoke. He spotted a body on the ground a few feet away from him. Fear climbed his throat. He made his way to the body, each step more fear inducing than the last. He made it to the body and uncovered the rubble blocking the body’s face and most of their body. His breath hitched when he took the ruble off the body’s face. He let out the loudest scream of pain and anguish he could muster at the moment before he broke down into loud, body wracking sobs. The battlefield went silent. Ally’s and enemies alike stopped to look at the boy, none daring to take a step closer. The cheers of his opponents had stopped. The cries of his friends had stopped. Even the neutrals kept their mouths shut. Tubbo didn’t care. He didn’t care who stared at him, who talked over him at the moment. He didn’t care that the battlefield had gone silent. Because he kneeled on the ground, endless streams of tears cascading down his cheeks. And in his arms lay the lifeless body of his best friend, his other half, his twin, TommyInnit.</p>
<p>He cried. He let the heart wrenching sobs pour out of his mouth into the deathly quiet air. No one could believe what they saw. Some thought they had been knocked out in battle and were dreaming. Others thought that the lack of sleep was finally catching up to them, and that this was a hallucination. Most just refused to believe the truth right in front of their eyes. Regardless, they were all in denial. All but Tubbo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Phil flew over to Tubbo, landing a good six feet away from him and walking over. It only got worse the closer Phil got. Tubbo’s armor was covered in blood, as well as his hands. But that wasn’t the worst of it. Oh no. The worst was Tommy’s scarcely recognizable body.</p>
<p>Half of his skull was caved in and had a part of his brain showing. His jaw had almost been completely burnt off and you could see his vocal cords hanging out. His right arm was completely missing, and the left was burned so much, you could see that the only thing holding it together was the tendons and small muscles. There was multiple shrapnel wounds, large pieces of glass and stone had embedded themselves into his chest. If you looked at his shirt now, you’d say it was a burgundy red. His spinal cord was visible, along with most of his lower guts, spilling out of the gaping hole just before his hipbone on the right.</p>
<p>His legs weren’t any better. Most of his left leg was torn off, with little bits of skin and chunks of flesh attached by fleshy little strings. His right leg had fresh burn scars up and down the entire thing and it was twisted backwards so the tip of his foot was facing the ground. It was the most gruesome thing he had ever seen, and of his youngest son no less. It didn’t help that said youngest son’s twin was the one who found the body. Tubbo had resorted to hiccupping by the time Phil made his way over. He kneeled beside his youngest son and their dead twin. Tubbo looked up at him, brown eyes once filled with so much kindness and joy, was now devoid any emotion or spark. Phil started to cry too. At the loss of his son’s and at the loss of his main happiness. He offered a hand to Tubbo, which was accepted, and that stood up together. <strike>His son’s</strike> Wilbur and Technoblade were going to pay for this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t supposed to hit anyone, Techno had thought after seeing his youngest brothers’ dead body. It was just supposed to scare Tubbo. He heard the sounds of an axe hitting the stone below. He looked to his left to see Dream, frozen in a state of shock. He looked to his right to see Wilbur’s eyes wide in realization and regret. He took a look around the battlefield and saw everyone in a state of shock and denial. Sapnap had fallen to his knees, Karl supporting him as they both cried silently. Fundy glaring daggers at Wilbur with tears in his eyes, as he comforted Eret, who had fallen to the ground with a sob. Niki was being held back by Jack and Sam so that she didn’t immediately kill Wilbur and Techno on the spot. All three were crying. Bad looked horrified and Skeppy was staring numbly at the ground. Ponk, Purpled and Punz were comforting each other. They were all crying. Purpled was crying the hardest. Quackity looked like he was about to kill someone. He was crying too. Antfrost was being comforted by some person that looked like cake. They were whispering to each other. Ant was crying. Hbomb was looking at the sky, like if he looked away long enough, Tommy would reappear. He was crying. Techno looked at Wilbur. His older brother was crying too, mumbling about how Tommy always comes back. Techno feels tears run down his cheeks too. This wasn’t like anyone else he had killed. This was his youngest brother, the one who’d praise him when he was down, the one who kept asking to be told stories about Techno’s travels. The one who was always there. Techno fell to his knees. TommyInnit was dead. And he killed him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Wilbur didn’t know how to react at first. He could see Tubbo holding Tommy’s dead body, Phil right beside him. He immediately leapt into denial. This was his youngest brother. The self proclaimed, heart of gold, clingy little child that Wilbur had once held so dear. The child that always brought him hot coca when he was sad, even if he tried to hide it. The child that had learned piano with his twin, just so they could play together with him. The child that followed him into war and stood faithfully by his side till the end. The child he ran for presidency with. The child he was exiled with. The child that always bounced back, helped him through thick and thin, put his brothers before himself. The child he had tried to kill. The child he tried to get his brother to kill. The child that he manipulated at every chance, every corner, just to get his way. The child he disregarded and forgot about to try and satisfy his greed. The child that was his youngest brother. His youngest brother was dead. And he never even apologized.</p>
<p>Tubbo had accepted Phil’s hand to help him up on his weak knees, finally letting go of Tommy’s body. He swayed for a sec before balancing himself and cleared his throat. He might not be that intimidating, but if you saw the fire in Tubbo’s eyes right now, you would be scared too. Everyone turned to look at him, all of their faces were different stages of denial. He took a deep breath, then spoke in the strongest voice he could.</p>
<p>“You all fucking suck, ya know. We were just kids, the youngest here might I add, and you all thought it would be ok to drag us into your petty wars? Look what good that fucking did.” Tubbo took a deep breath. He wasn’t shouting and that was the scariest thing about this to the crowd. “TECHNOBLADE!” His brother looked up in shock. “How does it feel? Are you happy? Are you content? Did you get what you’ve always wanted? Well I sure hope it was FUCKING WORTH IT. At the festival, you tried to kill me. I survived though. But I’m now sixteen and have the sight of a sixty-year-old because of you! I HAVE SCARS, SO MANY SCARS, COVERING MY ENTIRE BODY BECAUSE OF YOU. BUT ITS ALL OK BECAUSE I HAD SURVIVED! WHAT IN THE WORLD MADE YOU THINK IT WAS OK FOR YOU TO SHOOT YOUR OWN BROTHER, WHO YOU KNEW WAS ON YOUR SIDE? WHAT? PLEASE TELL ME BECAUSE I CAN’T THINK OF ONE. GOOD. GODDANM REASON!” Tubbo had started to lose his temper. And no one stopped him, not even himself, because everyone knew he deserved the right to scream and shout at all the unfairness. He was only sixteen and more mature than most of the adults. Every word Tubbo punctuated made Techno flinch. Wilbur was struck still like most people here. Tubbo almost never go mad. At least he was finally getting it out. Tubbo took another breath.</p>
<p>“And Wilbur!” The brother in question froze, as if he could be more stiff than he already was. “Are you satisfied? With this? With everything you’ve done? DO YOU FEEL SOME SICK SATISFACTION, KNOWING THAT THE ONE PERSON ALWAYS WILLING TO STAND BY YOUR SIDE IS DEAD? ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF WILBUR? THE ONE PERSON WHO HAS HAD YOUR BACK THROUGH THICK AND THIN IS DEAD BECAUSE YOU’RE A GREEDY, SELFISH PRICK! FUCKING HELL, I WISH THAT WHEN TOMMY FIRST CAME UP TO ME THAT ONE DAY, AND ASKED IF I’D LIKE TO HELP YOU GUYS FIGHT FOR THE FREEDOM TO SELL DRUGS, I WISH I SAID NO AND RAN HOME WITH TOMMY. BECAUSE HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE THEN!” Wilbur and most of the crowd were crying now. Tubbo’s cheeks were dry, he’d literally run out of tears to cry. He turned his attention to Dream.</p>
<p>“MY GOD DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON YOU. YOU ARE AN INSAINE, MANICAL FOOL WHO THOUGHT THAT HE COULD PLAY GOD. YOU STOLE, AND GREIFED, AND BROKE ALL YOUR OWN RULES JUST TO START FIGHTS WITH ME AND TOMMY SPECIFICALLY! YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS GANGED UP ON TWO CHILDREN JUST FOR KICKS BECAUSE ONE WAS ALWAYS ANGRY AND SHOUTY, AND THE OTHER WAS QUIET AND KIND! WELL GUESS WHAT THAT EARNED YOU? AND ACHIVEMENT FOR BEING THE BIGGEST BULLY AND ARSEHOLE IN THE WORLD.” Tubbo breathed heavily, catching his breath. He took a quick look around. “I consider some of you friends, others my enemies. But NONE of you had the guts to take a step back and see that there were two pieces that didn’t fit. It’s all your faults. You all thought the young, naïve, overly mature children were ready for war.” He spit on the ground before picking up Tommy’s body, or what was left of it. He started to walk towards the three men he blamed the most. Their eyes widened as Tubbo got closer. No one but Tubbo and Phil had seen how bad Tommy looked until then. He gently placed Tommy on the ground before using a broken axe handle to hit the three men in the back of the knees while they were distracted by the consequences of their actions. They were all kneeling now, everyone including Phil. Only Tubbo stood.</p>
<p>“Look at what you did.” He said, voice hoarse from screaming but words still sharper than knives. “My best friend, my other half, my TWIN is dead. And it’s all your fault.” And with that, he picked Tommy up off of the ground and walked away, Phil in tow. Phil gave one last harsh glance at Techno and Wilbur. Then he left too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was quiet after that. Tubbo hadn’t come back, so Quackity became president. No one had realized how much Tommy and Tubbo contributed to the energy in the SMP. Niki and Fundy became the VP and secretary of state. Eret started to weave a new flag for L’manburg. Techno and Wilbur had run off. No one had seen them since. Dream left. He went back to his previous world. Fundy could’ve sworn he heard Dream once or twice, but he was never sure. Lots of the neutrals joined L’manburg, like Ponk, Ant, Sam, and Purpled. The others stayed away, leaving L’manburg to live in melancholy peace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was quiet after that day, Phil thought to himself, still sitting on the bench at the near top of a mountain with a lake in the valley, so clear it would make mirrors envious. Phil sighed and hummed Mellohi as he sketched this sanctuary on his map. Tommy had died a week ago. Phil had finally found a proper burial ground for his youngest son. Everyone whished it wasn’t true, but it was.</p>
<p>TommyInnit was dead.</p>
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